Facing love insecurities

The point of my blog is to find the answers to questions that seem impossible to answer...

In my opinion, most relationships end because of the lack of communication. I believe strongly in three foundations - Trust, Communication and Respect to make a relationship work. I firmly believe that if those three foundations are in place, all the little things sort themselves out.

All couples fight, it's normal. It's a vicious cycle! It's like using the process Argument, Statements, Evidence and conclusion. First, we ask or say something, then the other person does not agree - the argument. Then both parties give statements as to why they don't agree, then the evidence of why they are right, and the conclusion either favours both, or one stands back and accepts defeat... It happens to all of us.

But what happens afterwards? Is the argument sorted out forever? Do we move on in the relationship and never refer back to it again? Do both feel satisfied with the outcome? However small it may be, most of the time women end up feeling hurt in some way. I'm not saying men don't, but women tend to be more sensitive to issues and tend to never forget how their partners made them feel.

I have experienced many times how the way you say something can create a massive barrier to a conversation. The way you say it makes the other one feel threatened and they become blinded by the issue at hand. Instead, it turns into a fight where past experiences come into play and suddenly becomes a valid statement when before both agreed that it was silly and stupid and promised never to bring it up again.

Sometimes we forget how much we love someone because of our own insecurities. When someone brings up an issue or does something you experienced before, it refreshes our memories and the way it made us feel. Suddenly we become blinded by the love and start resenting the person and compare them to others. We forget the uniqueness and the positive side and start dwelling on the past and the negative.

So where does it end? When are we satisfied and when do we let go? How do we face our fears and prevent the way we felt in the past with the way we deal with the same situation in the future? When do we make ourselves completely vulnerable to the other person without feeling that in doing so, you will be open to criticism that is fair and not bias to the way the other person wants us to be?

Love is a challenge, it is a choice to allow someone deep into our personal space and trusting that they will accept and not judge. It is a gamble - the outcome can be good or bad. But it is a chance we have to take to find true happiness...